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This page is about relats of my social-academic life. Currently on Senior year, hoping it ends soon.
18.06.2026
This day, I've finally decided that I'd put my thoughs in a blog. why? because i wanted to, because i can. Honestly, u thought it'd be much easier. Maybe open a pre-ready blog setting and just start writing. but it turns out you actually have to make the site. Though its kinda dope, i dont really know how to programm. And yes, I just mocked you reader. This isn't only about my schollar life, but about all of it.
19.06.2026
So, i kinda slept yesterday while adjusting this... Whatevs, I'm currently inclass right now. Have you ever fet like chemestry is just... too much? I wonder when and where I'll have to identify an alcohol molecule in my damn life. I'm just skipping activity by doinf this. No one is actually trying to do the activity, just mocking the teacher and doing nothing at all. Two classes will go by like this. And now, geography. It's been probaly a month and a half (at least) since we last had classes with my teacher. Today, was not out of ordinary. We had a stupis psychology talk about the dangers of social media. I mean, I get it. It's easy to get stuck into and whatever, but do we reeeeeally need that? It's so commun to talk about that and blah, blah, blah. I was really excited in doing our actual geography project: A documentary about consumism. That's dope. We're (my two little friends and I) are going to talk about plastic in our body, nature and so on. Well, either way, another friday passed by and I've did nothing too special. Went to gym right after school, worked out my butt. It's aching now and it's strange to say that. But since I'm being all real, and no one but me is going to read this, whats the big problem in just being a little embarresed? Anyways. I've taken a damn long hot bath, but on my band shirt (today's SOAD. Best shirt ever), and currently sitting on my desk and listening to music while i write this and notice that this text really looks like fanfiction. I mean, "I'm so different from the other girls, sempai-kun!". I miss watching Anime, and playing games.I miss my RPG sessions. I really want to use the character I've made SIX MONTHS AGO!!!!! It's a bard, half warrior. He's so amazing. And loves strawberries. Well, what else could I say? I want chocolate - there's none at home. I really want ice cream - I ate the last of it yesterday night. Damn my past self for not thinking about my present self. Well, off i go to progam the next page of this blog. Check it, reader. It's too much work for you to pass it away! Bye. See you... another day. Or never, because this is a text and I'm talking to no one.
22.06.2026
(If you ever read this, Mom, just know i was too sad back then. I might have felt rejected, but it doesn't affect how i love you. its a bad day in a million of good ones, but you always tell me to let it out, so i did, in my own way.) Today sucked. Sucked more than any other day in months. I'm always so proud in having the best relationship with my mom, but... sometimes we just hide stuff from one another. I do, perhaps she doesn't much. I'm too quiet about what I feel. Maybe my friends don't see it clearly, but I dn't blame them, I wouldn't notice either. Some stuff i just never share. Never. I never told my friends how it sucks that I'm always too lonely, even when is so crowded. But, back to today, I had a pitty argument with my mom about a stupid lunch date. I was out all weekend, in my best friend's house because my mom was traveling. I was going to stay home alone, But i had scout activity... anywyas. Monday i have classes all day, and not much time to get back home, lunch, then back to school. I usually pack some food from sunday and heat it up in school. BUT, since i was out on SUNDAY, i already have to buy some lunch on monday, most known as today. I invited my mother to have lunch with me, because i love her so much and looove her company! But then, me and my wide ass mouth just let scape 'I don't really wanna have lunch with my friends today'. Then CABUM ! It all exploded right on my face. I should've kept quiet. Because in silence at lesat no one expects anything. It scaleded into a heated argument. WITH MY OWN MOM. Of course i lost it. Ended up being in silence as she dived on about how i was using her to scape a situation and how it was pitty of me. How i was always so negative and how she didn't want that in her house. That, also known as me. I know she was mad, but it hurted so much. I spent so much time trying to accept her way of talking, her way of acting, her way of living, and that's how it's paid off. Sometimes she just puts in her head. "She's too lazy" or "She's ungrateful". and never really tries to understand me . I'm so sensitive sometimes, and when she starts yelling ( or advicing me, i never know what the hell is happening) i just put on my defensive manner: Look down, lower your head and shut the fuck up before she leaves too. It used to work. But now she calls me out of that. "Stop looking like a kicked puppy!" "Stop acting like the victim!" I don't fucking know how not to. I don't know how to speak up. I'm always so tired when i come from school, i spend the whole morning (or the whole day if it's monday) pretending i'm always cheerful, helpful, organized. I dropped the act today, just... for once. I know, future me, it'll sound like im being so dramatic and victimizing myself, but it is true. I'm not always that happy. Sometimes i just want to dig a hole and never come out. Sometimes, when my throat hurts because i can't cry, I just want to run back to my room and never leave until everyone has already forgotten me. I just... Dont want to be dramatic. I feel dramatic, even though i know i'm not being dramatic. It's a rabbit hole. A goddamn spiral i'm stuck in. I fell lke shit, I feel like i'm cringe. When i got back from school, i tried to apologize. My mom said that sometimes silence just looks like agreement. I explained. She said i have issues to resolve with my dad. I got quiet again. She said i always swear i don't have issues, when in reality i've always agreed i do have issues. But not only with my dad. When i was a kid, I was voiceless. Every damn time i gave my opinion, my mother just told me to be quiet, or beat me or yelled or whatever. Sometimes I think she forgets how she raised me. She thinks it's horrible that even now i'm still slightly afraid of her. I am afraid of her, because it'll always remind me of how she used to treat me. Bad grades? "Why don't you go think about what your mistakes? You gotta syudy more next time." Bad behaviour? She didn't eve said a word. Just tha look, "when we get home, we gonna talk really closely". I feel lighter by writting this. It's satisfying, even if it'll forever be forgotten by everyone but me.
26.06.2026
Today is friday. A caothic friday, perhaps. Yesterday it was school event (no classes, horray!). It's a typical mid-june party in Brazil, it's called "Festa Junina" (June party). Historically, it reminds from the beggining of winter and the end of autumn, where it was time to harvest the crops. This party was the celebration of the well successed harvest. People - Usually farmers and villagers- would prepeare tons of food (corn, popcorn, brazilian-pine nut, peanut based candies) dance around a fire (the dance is called "Quadrilha"). And geez, these bonfires are actuallt just gigantic, like meters tall. Anyways. Since i'm on my last year in school, it's comun for my class to dance in this party. We danced a mix of different musics, but it was soooo fun! We really enjoyed ourselves yesterday. The food was prime, the company was tops. It was cold indeed, 2 celcius degress. But, overall, best day ever. And it got even better. Mom and I (we are in peace. Actually the next day we were already normal with each other, that's how we've always acted) had lunch out, so no dishes! We arrived home, it was already clean and neat. I had the whole afternoon free for programming! (and i did, just fixed the front page and whatevs). SO, today i was supposed to be in class but uh- No, thanks. I skipped school today for a goos reason, tho. Went clothing shopping with my Ma, my Granny and my Gramps. i ws real tired, slept only in one in the morning (heh, should've feel bad) But i enjoyed it. Mom and I hardly overdo ourselves in shopping. We share most clothes, so we always buy for both of us. i'm not a big fan on testing on clothes. Put it on, put it off, put it on... it gets on my nervs. But i did it anyways. I bought this super cute grey jacket. It's cropped, fluffy on the inside and so pretty on the outside. Arrived home just now. Actually, I took a bath, did a few stuff, then sat here to update this blog. It's currently 09:45 pm. Well, I ate burgers today. And subway. And cake. Nothing slightly healthy. I played with my nintendo switch all ride. It was awesome.
02.07.2026
PLEASE SOMETHING HAPPEN!!! It has been so damn monotonous this week. Wake up, school, gym, lunch, crochet/whatever fuck I do, tidy up the house,je, go through my phone, sleep. All day, everyday. This shit is killing me. I need something else to dooooooooooo!!!!! I have to draw the price table for the June festival of the scouts club till Saturday. Two or three of ‘em that I’ll do today. I want it to be funny and informative, maybe I’ll do like "Prison Menu” (for context: my troupe is organizing a mock prison for whomever pays. The deal is: you pay, and we arrest the person you want for ten minutes, unless the person pays to be free). I need a challenge. Might start fucking doing some lesson plans or some organization to start giving extra classes for people. Yes, I wanna be a teacher. And I’m not a native English speaker, but I’m quite good at it. Whatever, I’ll start it. I feel like sometimes I’m just too lazy, waiting in heaven to change before I do. And that’s not really how I want to be. So, I’ve decided. English lessons for children and teens (not really wanna teach adults). My grandparents and my mom are now talking ‘bout our future. My dad just got into justice to reduce my pension. Fuckty fuck. From dusk till down all I do is never think about him. Not because I’m trying to ignore him, just because he has never been around too long to make a huge impact. Hell, I’m not trying to be a martyr, but that’s the truth. Anyways, it just made me mad how he acted so childlike. I just finished the price charts for scouts and it turned out perfect. Specially that one with the glued letters. I might take a pic and add here, perhaps it’ll be cute.